Expressions And Attraction

New Expressions

At dinner with friends Rene and Armelle I was asked what I thought of my new neighbour, a woman who has bought the house that used to belong to friends Neville and Liz and which sits just above mine. She had wanted to meet me before she moved in and Neville and Liz had arranged a time but she didn't show up until later. By then I had gone off to play boules. So my answer had to be that I didn't know. Armelle said she had spoken to another of my neighbours, Florence, and Florence said she and the new neighbour were like “cul et chemise”. It wasn't obvious to me what that meant until it was explained (very close, apparently). So, it was good to learn a new expression but I was frustrated to find that I couldn't think of the English equivalent. Later, Steve and Jo suggested “bosom friends/pals” or “being in each others pockets”. Problem solved but I don't want to forget my English.

Weeks ago Daniel had introduced me to the expression “heureux comme un poisson dans l'eau”. That time I could find the somewhat crude but definitely more expressive English equivalent: happy as a pig in shit.

Rules Of Attraction

Over lunch with Daniel he brought up the subject of a common female acquaintance and said how attractive he found her, pointing out her good figure. He has his Marie but said to me why didn't I, as it were, “go for it”. I agreed that she was, in general terms, an attractive woman but said I wasn't attracted to her. I've become used to attempts to pair me off, possibly because of my somewhat haphazard lifestyle or perhaps simply because I am a spare male. My friend Steve's wife Jo thinks I need a wife; I jestingly reply that I've already had one of those and didn't go that much on it. Neighbour Jean-Pierre is also on the job. Whenever I'm introduced to a single woman in his presence he gives me a nudge and says: “Elle est disponible, Yann, vas-y”.

The point is that Daniel seemed to need an explanation of why I didn't find this woman attractive, despite her obvious “assets”, and I struggled to say why. A friend, yes, and someone with whom I could happily pass some time; but attractive to me, no.

What I needed was some description of what attracts me to a woman so I tried to search back in my mind as to what had attracted me to women in the past, not necessarily just those with whom I had had a relationship. Daniel's “bums and tits” approach was certainly part of the picture, perhaps an essential part, but very far from all of it. Physically, I do know that I am attracted to women with slim rather than more generous figures but that is about as far as I could go in terms of general shape. I know that some characteristics of eyes and mouth play an important role but can't define what they are; it's not big/small, it's something else. Gestures too can be important. I remember once sitting in a café watching a woman at another table whose lower arm and hand movements were so flowing and graceful as to be almost a work of art in themselves; they fascinated me.

Of course there's personality as well, when I get to know someone, and I know that positive, happy, outgoing personalities attract me more than introspective morose ones. But saying that reveals little and is probably true for most people. Then there words, words, words. I like irony and studied understatement (I am of English origin, after all) and I often find ruefulness, self-deprecation and perceptive comments attractive, as well as a sense of humour (obviously). And common interests provide cement for a relationship but don't explain that fleeting moment, that “certain sourire” when attraction is first established.

The problem is that all these factors individually, although they all contribute, don't really explain anything. The answer is probably somewhere in my genes but I don't know anyone who carries a map of their genes around with them for comparison. Anyway, the subject is of more interest to my friends than to me at the moment. All I know, and it is enough for me, is that I can tell, usually fairly immediately, if I am attracted to a woman or not. Whether she happens to be “disponible” or not at the time is another question. And whether or why she is attracted to me is also something I can shed little light on.

“ Je suis comme je suis, je ne suis pas là pour plaire” (Prévert)